chll51 (chll51) wrote,

It Would Have Been You {Dean.Jo Fanmix}

They are my OTP. I don't care what anyone says because they were beautiful. They could have had it all and could have so fucking perfect. He's a Winchester. She's the fucking Harvelle (related to Ellen Harvelle. Nothing more need to be said there). Anyway, here's a fanmix to what could have been an epic pairing on SPN, along with a ficlet.




. . . . .

It begins like this: she pressing a gun to his back and later a punch to his face for thinking he knew better (can’t say she didn’t enjoy that). He hunching over with a hand to his nose, calling out to Sam for help. Skip the introduction and a stupid question of whether or not she’ll punch him again and she thinks this could be the beginning of something good.


He staggers over like he owns the place, sits across from her, and attempts to throw some of his cheap pick-up lines that usually do the trick but somewhere along, they flat-line in his throat. Sighing, he runs his fingers through his hair and gives a shrug, only to say, ‘Wrong time; wrong place.’ She looks down as he glances away, wondering whether it’s disappointment that’s leaving a bitter aftertaste in her mouth or crushed hopes of something that will never get anywhere.

We’ll never get too far
Just you, me and the bar
Silly ménage a trois, sometimes

- Fever


He doesn’t know her much, not really; but he has a pre-conceived notion about who she is, personality wise and all that (it’s sort of his job to read people); and in no way has he ever taken her to be a Kevin Cronin/REO Speedwagon type of girl. He’d have kept his mouth quiet if she hasn’t said, “Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart.” To which he retorts with a smirk and says, “He sings it from the hair. There’s a big difference.” He might have won the fight but she won the war when he finds himself singing along with Sam. God damned it. It’s like she’s planned it from the start.


She’s not a full fledged hunter, but she wants this like she’s never wanted anything; she needs this like the oxygen that fills her lungs. It’s that bad because she’s spent her whole life for this chance; and when she asks him whether or not it’s wrong, he says no and she breathes with ease. She knows if there’s anyone that understands the pain of searching for something, of wanting to be closed to something (or rather someone), he would; maybe they don’t have the same goal but they’re both searching. That has got to count for something.

I don't know what you're looking for
you haven't found it baby, that's for sure

- My favorite Game


She doesn’t mean it when she says ‘leave me alone’. She doesn’t mean it when she sounds like she blames him and Sam for her father’s death. They had nothing to do with it but she couldn’t contain her anger; the frustration she feels for not putting the pieces together better, the frustration that her mother who still treats her like a kid and herself for giving her mother every reason to boil over and they just happen to be caught in the crossfire.


When she sees him again after the fallout, she learns what rejection tastes like. When she stays behind, it’s only because he asks. When she watches him leave, it’s because her heart wants to break and when he tells her he’d call, it’s a lie she’ll accept though she won’t hold out any false hope that he’ll prove her wrong; because he’s Dean Winchester and he doesn’t owe her a damn thing.

It’s my heart you’re stealing
It’s my heart you take
It’s my heart you’re dealing with

And it’s my heart you’ll break

- My Heart


They meet again two years later like it’s some damned fate. He busts through the door and she swears her heart jumps all the way to her throat. He says “Hey Jo” and her knees almost give out, not before she manages to utter a “hey” back. Talk about getting over some stupid crush only to jump right back on the bandwagon.

Set me free, leave me be.

I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

- Gravity


He sneaks up on her, surprisingly and gives her a last night on Earth speech, something about ‘make merry’. She laughs because subtlety is never his strong suit; and when he asks if it’s worked, she decides that better than fucking him (it took more self-control than she thought she had to not take him up on his offer) she’d just mess with his head for a short while.

Just stay, we both know you want a little taste
And I just don't have the time to waste

On subtlety baby (on subtlety baby)
True, I'll stay if you ask me too

- A Night with You


He’s stupid. Won’t be the first to admit. Won’t be the last to think so; but for the first time, he regrets that he’s not smarter, not wiser and not better; and he pleads with God in his head to make her okay so that he can rectify his wrong; but he knows better than to hold his breath because this mistake ends up costing him more than he could afford. It costs him a future that he would never know.


She’s bleeding all over the place and is barely conscious when it’s his turn to say goodbye. An “I’ll see you the other side, probably sooner rather than later” slips from his lips but she only hears guilt from his voice; so she tries to smile and ease his heavy conscience with a “make it later.” Then he kisses her forehead (because he wants to) and her bravado falls (because she finally realizes what could never be). When he pulls away, he sees fear on her face and responds by capturing her lips, as if to say ‘I’m sorry for not seeing you earlier because we could have been so much more.’ She allows one tear to roll because they deserve at least that much; because if there’s anything Jo Harvelle is sure of, it’s that Dean Winchester has always been the one.


They end like this: she dies and he lives. Plain and simple. He’s not moping around because he’s still Dean fucking Winchester but he drinks more so that he could see her in the girls he picks up; fucks more so he could pretend it’s her that he’s holding; and feels less because it hurts to talk while remembering what happened. Every time he walks in a bar, it’s like déjà vu. The only difference is that he’s not greeted by a gun to the back; and once in awhile, he thinks, god, he’s so fucked up for wanting his death to come sooner, only he has a promise to keep and later is the only time he’s allowed to die.

Every time I look, I get shivers down my spine
You're such a beautiful face
I know those eyes
They take me back in time
She could be you
I wouldn't even know

- She Could Be You

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Tags: fanmix, pairing:dean/jo
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